Macy's Story.

Macyn Joy Gibson came into this world on Monday, March 9th - her due date.  At 11:05pm, she took her very first breath.  This is her birth story.

I suppose her story starts many months ago.  I finally made an appointment to see a midwife.  We decided that two years was too long - we were ready to get serious about having a baby.  I met with Brenna.  I instantly fell in love with her.  She filled me with so much hope, and at the end of our visit (which felt more like a heart-to-heart with a friend), she said "Girl, we are going to get you pregnant!".  It was the first time I felt like this could really happen.

Fast forward a few weeks, and I was pregnant.  That's really where Macy's story begins.  But for the sake of time, we'll start here:

Sunday was like most other Sunday's.  Church in the morning, Carter snuggling up to me all through the service, asking to be held during worship - with his big, long body dangling from my arms and over my round belly.  We came home, and I felt different.  I knew in my gut that my body was preparing for something big.

Regardless, we had friends over for dinner that night.  We laughed, and joked about how tomorrow was our due date - and nobody has their first baby on their due date! After they left, we tried timing contractions.  Ten minutes.  Five minutes.  Twelve minutes.  Seventeen minutes.  Four minutes.  This must be false labor.  I jumped in the shower to slow things down, and we both went to sleep for the night.

At 6:15am, I woke up to start getting myself and Carter ready for school.  While laying in bed, Jake asked, as he did almost every morning for weeks, if this would be the day.  I said maybe - but lets get Carter to school first.  Before I could even get out of bed, my water broke.  Yes, dear.  Today is the day.

Because I tested GBS+, it was important to get to the hospital within an hour or so of my water breaking so I could start an antibiotic (and then receive it every 4 hours while in labor).  Which meant there was no time to get Carter to school!  We called my mom and she was here within 15 minutes.  We called the midwife - and guess who was on call?  My girl, Brenna.  I could not have been more thrilled. Jake loaded the car and off we went.  We made excited phone calls on the way to the hospital, and prayed in between.  

This was the day we would meet our baby girl.  

When I arrived, I was 4cm and 100%.  Not what I wanted to hear - considering I had been 3cm and 90% for weeks.  Throughout the day, my contractions continued to mess with me.  Five minutes apart.  Then two.  Then seven.  Then five.  I walked the halls, I sat on the birthing ball, I tried to rest, I paced our room, I took a bath...it didn't matter.  Things were moving slowly. 

I was already missing Carter, and was so sad to know that I wouldn't be at home with him for several days.  His awesome teachers sent me photos of his morning at school - telling me he was having a wonderful day, and not to worry about him.  This helped to put me at ease, and really allowed me to just focus on what I was supposed to be doing.

Sometime while it was still light out, I remember sitting with Brenna and Jake, telling them I was getting scared.  What am I doing wrong?  Why am I not progressing?  Can I really do this?  Am I really as capable as I've been telling myself?  Brenna told me all my emotions were normal, and Jake grabbed my birth cards that I made exactly for this moment.

"You are stronger than you think you are"
"Your contractions can't be stronger than you, because they are you"
"Your body was created for this"
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you.  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
"Your only job is to relax and allow birth to happen"

It was also around this time that Brenna and I had 'the talk'.  I knew it was coming.  I had been dreading it since the moment my water broke.  Labor had been long, and hard.  I was clearly exhausted.  But she wouldn't judge me if I wanted an epidural.  I didn't.  I don't know why - but I have had this strong desire to experience all that I could.  I wanted to feel everything.  I didn't want to miss out on any part of Macyn's birth - even if it was painful. 

I wanted to feel it, right along with her.

Around 8:30pm, we talked about ways to move labor along.  We were going to be approaching the 18 hour mark, and for safety's sake we needed to start making some serious progress.  Brenna mentioned pitocin, which progresses labor and regulates contractions.  She also mentioned nubain, which is a pain reliever that just takes the edge off the contractions and allows for rest in between.  We tried the nubain first, and I was blessed with about an hour of rest.  

I felt drunk, and was cracking jokes with Annette and Brenna.  "You guys, I want an epidural....just kidding!".  

I was cognizant enough to realize that it was about Carter's bedtime.  I told Jake that if he heard from my mom that she was having a hard time putting him to bed, I didn't want to know about it.  A few minutes later, he told me she had texted him to say Carter went to bed like a champ.  Again, relief.  Our big boy is going to be just fine...I can just focus on Macy.

After an hour of nubain, we made the decision to go ahead and start a low dose of pitocin.  And that's when the magic happened.  Suddenly, I couldn't avoid the urge to push.  By 9:30, I was trying different pushing positions - finally settling on my back, with Annette and my awesome partner, Jake, holding my legs.  They had tied a bed sheet around the birth bar so I had something to grab onto and pull during contractions.

The pushing was hard.  But my team and coach cheered me on the whole time.  At one point, I wondered if I was really doing that well or if they were just saying that I was to motivate me.  If I was doing so well, why was it taking so long?

After an hour and a half of pushing like I never thought possible, Brenna said "Look!".  I opened my eyes for the first time since I started pushing, and there she was.  One more push, and she was in my arms - barely crying, eyes wide open, looking right at us.  Jake and I looked at each other in total shock and awe and excitement and exhaustion.

This is the day we met our daughter.  She was here.

Macyn Joy Gibson - born at 11:05pm, weighing 6lbs 14oz. Nineteen beautiful inches of perfection.

We called family about an hour later.  Macy nursed like a champ for over an hour and a half.  Jake and I finally calmed down enough for sleep at 3:30am.

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As exciting as it was for us to meet this baby who I had carried for 9 months, we were just as thrilled to see her with her big brother.  I don't know why, but it was important to me that Carter meet her first, before anyone else. It only seemed right.

This was a big day.

We went to the family lounge, so Carter wouldn't be scared by all the doctor-y stuff in my hospital room. He walked right in and said "Mom!".

Melt my heart.

Next up: sister.  For the last 9 months, all we have heard from him is "Nooo baby sister".

Today: "Hiii Macy."

Holding her was something he wasn't too thrilled about, but was easily coerced when we said "Hold baby first, then presents!" :)

"Eenie, meenie, miney, moe - who ate all the cookie dough?!"

It seems as though this room was made for Carter B. Gibson:

Yes, there were elephants and giraffes outside the room.  Of course there were.

Once Big Brother came, we had an open invitation for family to come visit.

NaNa & Brad

Grampie

Grannie

MiMi & Poppy

Uncle Ben

Auntie Kristi

Cousin Katelyn

Uncle Greg

Auntie M & Uncle T

So much love in Room 310.  So much perfection.  So much life. 

Jake made sure to tell everyone that I was a champ and a rockstar and amazing and strong. But the truth is, I wouldn't have been strong without him. 

Jake, you were pretty amazing, too. 

You helped me stay calm when I wanted to panic. You encouraged me to keep going when I felt like I just couldn't do any more. You silently prayed for me when there was nothing else to do. 

And you cheered. You cheered me on the whole time. You are the best coach. 

We make the best team. 

++++++++

That is the very beginning of Macy Joy's story.

It will continue on from this point, each day weaving together with my story, and Jake's story, and Carter's story.  Someday, we'll add more kids, and more stories.

So.

To our new family of four: Whatever we do, may we do it together.

This is our life.  It's pretty perfect.

One Thing I Know For Sure: Welcome to this big, beautiful world.  We're so glad you're here.

Looking Ahead.

The past several weeks have found us doing lots and lots and lots of this.

See how focused he is?  He's even choosing to sit there at the table.  Begged for 'colors, paper', even. He'll color like this for a good 30 to 45 minutes (as opposed to 30-45 seconds...).  He'll even tell us what to draw, so he can color it.  

This is a miracle, to be honest. 

Carter and table work have been like oil & water.  And we haven't pushed it.  We knew that someday, when he was ready, he'd find enjoyment in things like this.

It's someday.  

I don't know what has changed in him.

Maybe he sees his friends at school enjoying themselves as they color and write and draw.  Maybe he spends so much time working on it at school that something clicked within him, and he realizes that creating is fun.  Maybe his hands and words have finally caught up with his incredible, soaring, wild  imagination.

Maybe I don't really care why.  I'm just so, so grateful that our little boy is starting to enjoy little boy things.

Every little boy should love spending a sunny winters day at the table, creating.  Imagining.  Laughing when dad draws a motorcycle, or when mom draws a bath tub.

These pictures do my heart so much good.  There were many times that I thought he'd never want to do this.  I thought it would always, always, always be a battle.  I thought he'd always have to be bribed to sit at the table to do work.  I wondered how a kid who hated table work could ever enjoy school.

And then, Carter surprised us.  It's really what he does best.

Story of our lives.

So let this post be a reminder to Carter's Mama: Carter CAN.

Just you wait and see, Mama - that thing you're so frustrated with right now will one day be a distant memory.  That skill you are praying he picks up - that habit you wish he'd stop doing already - that one thing that keeps you up at night and brings tears to your eyes while you're in the shower....it will all be fine.  Carter will show you what he can do, when he feels like it.

This is Carter's way.

You and Carter's Daddy will look at each other one day, jaws dropped, eyes glassy, and you'll say "Look! Look at what he's doing! Oh my gosh!" and you'll remember again that everything will always turn out fine.

It always, always, always turns out fine.

And why do we sweat it?  Take a cue from Carter and just relax.

Advocate?  Yes.
Prepare him for life?  Absolutely.
Help him in every single way possible?  Of course.
But worry?  Stress?  Freak your freak?  No, no, no.

That's not Carter's way.

One Thing I Know For Sure: Carter CAN.  Duh.

{Merry Christmas}

Merry Christmas, sweet reader.  

This is Christmas.

"For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given,

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called 

Wonderful counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Isaiah 9:6

"The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

John 1-9-14

"Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!"

2 Corinthians 9:15

Truly He taught us to love one another - 

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains shall he break for the slave is our brother - 

And in His name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we - 

Let all within us praise His holy name!

Fall on your knees

Oh hear the angel voices

Oh night divine

Oh night when Christ was born

One Thing I Know For Sure: "For God so loved the world..."

"Hi, Dentist!"

Carter strongly dislikes doctors.  It could be from some trauma from his past.  It could be just something he dislikes.  We may never know why, but the fact remains.

On the day of an appointment  - I wear extra deodorant and plan a Starbucks trip for myself afterwards.

It's ugly, guys.

The ENT, the pediatrician, the optometrist, and the dentist.  Ohhhh, the dentist.

The good thing about screaming his lungs out at the dentist is that his mouth has to be open anyways...so it might as well have noise coming out of it.

We had a dentist appointment on Monday.  It was an early release day, so I spent the afternoon pumping him up.

"Carter! Today we go to the dentist!"
"You will be so brave!"
"You can say 'hi, dentist'!"
"You open your mouth nice and say 'ahhhh'!"
"First dentist, then we'll visit dad!"

This always seems like it will work, until we get into the exam room and he has to climb into the chair. The movement of the chair seems to trigger some anxiety, and then the rest of the visit goes downhill from there.

My mommy instincts told me that having the chair in place before we even walk in the room might help a little bit.  Maybe instead of screaming bloody-murder, he would just cry a little.  Thankfully, our dentist is awesome and agreed to move it into place before Carter's appointment.

Let me set the scene - we get out of the car, and Carter is excited.  Like he always is.  He's saying "Brave! Dentist! DAD!" and all kinds of adorable things.  And my mommy heart is beating so fast, hoping that we can conquer this dentist thing.

We walk in the office and Carter is so happy to be there.  The receptionist says 'hi' to Carter, and he responds with "Hiiiii, Dentist!".  We laugh at this sweet little boy, and take our seats.  The dentist comes out, walks us back, and Carter climbs right into the chair.

"Hiiii, Dentist! Brave!"

So far, so good.

The dentist got busy, hoping to get the majority of his work done before the fit started.

"Carter, can you open your mouth for me?"

"Ahhhhhhhhh"
"Hiiii, Dentist"
"Ahhhhhhhhh"

Every few minutes, he would try to say "Dentist - Dad" while the dentist was working.  He was telling the dentist that first he had to do the whole dentist thing, and then he could visit his dad.  He hasn't quite figured out the fine art of talking while the dentist is working in his mouth, so he used his hands a lot :)  Needless to say, it was pretty cute.

Before I knew it, we were done.  Carter had an exam, a cleaning, and a fluoride treatment.

He didn't even shed a tear.

Six months ago, I had to wrestle him in the chair and when we left, I cried great big tears for our scared little boy.

Monday, he didn't even need me in the room and when we left, I cried great big tears for our brave big boy.

I'm not going to lie, the first days of school have been rough on our Kindergartener.  One particularly difficult night, around 4am, I cried outside his room, praying he would go back to sleep.

Sometimes, I don't know how to be his mommy.  He's so complex.  He's such a mystery.

And then we have a moment like our dentist appointment on Monday, and I realize that I was handpicked to be his mommy.  I don't know why I was picked, but I was.  All I can do is the best that I know how.  Sometimes it will have me crying outside his bedroom door at 4am, and sometimes I'll be throwing a party because he made it through a dentist appointment.

Somedays I'll be hoping he grows up, and other days I'll be begging him to stay small and squishy.  Somedays I'll have no idea what I'm doing, and I'll feel like I'm completely winging this parenthood thing.  Other days, I'll feel equipped and prepared and full of wisdom and strength.

This is being a mommy.

++++++++

Here is our little buddy, after his dentist appointment when we went to visit his daddy.

{No - he doesn't ride with his seatbelt behind him. 
We had just parked, which is his signal to whip that thing off and climb out as fast as he can.}

He's pretty cute, isn't he?

So glad he's ours.  So glad we're his.  So glad to be learning this little mystery, day by day.  It's like opening a new gift every morning.

One Thing I Know For Sure: "BRAVE!".  Carter and Mama, both.

+Kindergarten Note: Things are improving quickly!  Kindergarten is a big change for him, and we are thankful that his team at school is so willing to try new things in order to help him best! His sleep is finally becoming more regular, which makes everyone happy :)

Little Kindybeaner.

Well, we did it.

We dropped our little kindergartener off at school.  He didn't even look back.  As soon as we pulled up - we heard ecstatic shouts of "School!! School slide!!" from the back seat.

Can you tell he was ready?

I'm not going to lie.  It's been a long summer.  I had so many plans for him - beaches, projects, goals to meet, parks, picnics, water parks.

But, thanks to the teeny-tiny, yet somehow exhausting baby in my belly, 99.7% of those things did not happen.

Talk about mommy guilt.

So - off to school we go.  Carter smiling from ear-to-ear, and Mama smiling almost as much (but, of course, trying to act sad so the other kindergarten moms don't think I'm heartless).  

We line up with his class, his aide takes his hand, and I couldn't feel more at peace.  Carter is in a perfect place.  His team of professionals are amazing.  His teachers have welcomed him with open arms and open hearts.  He has a place in the classroom - mixed right in with his peers.  Right where he belongs.

A few days ago, I got an email from his teachers.  They said something that cut me so deep.

"We are so excited to have Carter in our class!" - and they mean it.

He is included.  He is appreciated for his strengths.  He is a valuable member of their classroom family.

Dropping off my kindergartener didn't draw a single tear from my eyes - but typing this does.  Our little guy.  Included and valued.  What more could we possibly ask for?

Do you know how many people fight for this?  Do you know how many mamas around the country are shedding tears today, because they so desperately want someone in their school to see the value in their special child?!

We are so, so grateful.

++++++++

After dropping Carter off, I headed to the book room to do some alphabetizing.  I knew that getting involved in Carter's school would be easiest if I started right away, instead of waiting until 'next year' or 'later on'.

First day in kindergarten, and I'm alphabetizing books :)

Sidenote: alphabetizing is hard.  It's not a function my brain is used to.  I sang the alphabet 48 times, just to make sure that R came before S.

Around 9:15 is when the real fun began.

Did I mention that Carter's teachers are incredible?  Okay.  Well, they are.  I mentioned to them early in the summer that I'd like to create a book to have them read to the class during the first few weeks, and that I'd like to send one home with each student.

They said I should come in and read it to everyone on the first day.  So I did.

This book was nothing extraordinary - I just filled it with things that Carter could do, just like his classmates, with lots of pictures of Carter being a typical kid.

"Carter loves to jump in puddles.  Do you?"
"Carter loves to eat ice cream.  Do you?
"Carter loves to make treats with his mom. Do you?"

The response was delightful.  "Ohhh! I like to do that!" and "Hey - I do that too!".  Yes, little ones.  You do so many things just like Carter.

You really are more alike than different.

I couldn't help but think about my dear friend, Mae, who told me a long time ago that from the moment I became Carter's mommy, I also became a teacher.  She told me that forever & ever, I would be a teacher.  A teacher to his friends, a teacher to our community, a teacher to the lady in the check out ahead of us, a teacher to his teachers.  I didn't know what she meant until today.

Aha.  I am a teacher. Our little ones (and lots of big ones, too) need to be taught how to include Carter. They need to be taught how to value Carter.  And if I don't teach them, who will?

++++++++

I gave my sweet baby a kiss, and left for the day.  My first day of freedom.

It was a hard day.

Not really.

What?!  I already told you, we were both ready for this day.

Did I miss him?  Yes.  Like crazy.  Did I wonder what he was doing?  Every single minute.  But the break was good, and when he came home I was able to hug him with new & fresh arms, that missed his tugging and climbing so much today.

Our cherished little kindergartener had a treat from his Mimi AND his NaNa after school today, just in case he forgot while he was at school that he's a spoiled rotten only-grandchild.  Well, at least for the next 6 months.

It's amazing how much I have to share with you when I don't have a busy bee running around here.  I think I might be rambling now.

Let's wrap this up.  To kindergarten.  New beginnings, new growth, new friends, new freedoms.

So incredibly grateful.

One Thing I Know For Sure: Ready to rock kindergarten.

"A Little More About Carter" Notes:
I made this booklet using Word.  You can too, you just need to play with it.  Mine is printed 2-up on a 8.5x11 copy paper, front & back.  You'll save yourself many headaches and bad-words if you just do them one sided, trust me.  My wording on the inside is SUPER simple - my hope was that some kids might be able to read it themselves.  It was highly repetitive (I love to.....! Do you? - over & over).  I made a large copy and had it bound - that is what I read to the class today.  It was made heavy-duty, and will be kept in their little classroom library for the kids to revisit throughout the year.

I got the title for my book from this blog post.  She will send you a template for the booklets if you ask nice.  I didn't use her template or any of her wording.  Just her title.  Because it's so much cuter than "All About Carter" :)

And to my friend, Carin - thanks for all the awesome ideas you've given me about how to introduce our kiddos to their classmates & families.  You are an incredible 'teacher' - one who I aspire to be like!  Your passion is what sparked my idea for this book.  I thought of you so much today.

And now you're all wondering who Carin is, right?  Go here.  Just do it.  Go and read and CRY YOUR EYES OUT LIKE A BABY.

Rambling.  Done.  Bye!