The Summer of My Life.

Going in to this summer, I believed it would either be the best summer of my life, or the worst summer of my life.

I knew the outcome was up to me. It would be nobody's fault but my own if this summer sucked.

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Our family has had some big changes since the spring.

Sometimes, people still surprise me.

People I thought would be in our life forever and ever were so quick to exit. I felt abandoned and misunderstood. I felt vilified by those I trusted.

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For the first summer since before Macy was born, I had no respite help for Carter. Carter has grown immensely, and so have I. But I still questioned my ability to care for him all day, every day, without help. And when would I have time for Macy and Silas, who still need snuggles from their mom?

I felt like I was headed into the perfect storm. The clouds were forming. The forecast didn't look good. I wanted to hide in the basement and let the whole thing pass. I wanted to wait it out, and come out later with the sun shining and rainbow beaming.

I had a choice. It was a choice I made every day. Show up and face the storm, or hide in the basement?

Most days, I chose to show up. Some days, I watched the storm from the safety of my couch, hiding my face under the blanket as the thunder crashed. Other days, I watched the storm from my lawn chair on the patio with a vodka lemonade and laughed as the hail hit my face.

Our summer was amazing.

So many things contributed to our success. Things like scheduling time throughout our days to sync up together, getting out of the house to adventure together, involving the kids in my to-do list, or just ripping up my to-do list and sitting on the floor with them.

I have at least a dozen pictures of Macy and Carter walking away, holding hands.
This is Macy's jam.

But I think the biggest reason for our success wasn't something I did within the 10 hours of our day.

It was the set-up.

Looking back, I feel like I had an amazing team of people surrounding me. People who encouraged me, taught me, confronted me, pushed me, pulled me...they all gave me the tools I needed to face the storm.

I'd write each of you a thank you note, and slip a Benjamin in each one, but we all know God is Right & Just. You'll each get what I owe you, I promise.

Without these people, I think I'd be sitting here today with tears in my coffee, filled with so much regret and pain.

But here I am, rejoicing. Excited about the future. Confident in how I've handled myself in the midst of this entire situation. Ready for the next adventure. Embracing the long storms, and enjoying the quick rainbow-glimpses.

I've had many people help me grieve the season we're ending, and prepare for the season ahead.

I'm more ready than I've ever been.

Not every moment was a win! I remember this particular day to be a complete shit-show.

Raise your vodka lemonade to the Summer of 2019.

Best summer of my life.

Slowness. Growth. Adventure.

Check, check, and check.