Thursday, March 23, 2017


Tomorrow we will take our Siley J to his 2 week doctors appointment. While we're there, we will pop in to visit all the people who helped us get to where we are today.

This is our Thank You.


I still remember the first conversation that started this crazy journey. My friend, Juli, was over for coffee and she asked when we would start having babies. After all, Carter had been home 3 years and she knew we wanted more kiddos.

I told her we'd been trying for almost 2 years, and I was starting to think we'd just adopt a baby.

A baby.

Adopting Carter at 3 years old was good. We wouldn't change anything about how our 'first born' came to us. But for as long as I can remember, I've longed to have a baby.

Juli mentioned 'the midwives', and I called to make an appointment the next day.


My first appointment was with Brenna. I was nervous, because - what if she confirms the worst - that we won't be having any babies?

She created a safe place in that room - and I instantly felt like I was chatting with an old friend. She asked me some questions, ran some tests, and put me on a teeny, tiny dose of levothyroxine (for my thyroid). 

As she was leaving the exam room, she turned back around, peeked in the door, & chirped "Girl - we're gonna get you pregnant!".

Hope. Maybe this could actually happen.

Our soon-to-be Big Brother, with Macy's ultrasound pictures

Three weeks later, I was pregnant.


My head was in the clouds for most of Macy's pregnancy. I had some weird pregnancy symptoms, but my excitement that we were actually pregnant overshadowed all of the jaw pain and hip pain and gum pain (pregnancy gingivitis is a real thing, apparently).

Her due date came - and my 'old friend' Brenna was on call. Through 16 hours of labor, she was in & out of our room - affirming me, making small talk, and offering Jake some support, too.

Ninety minutes of pushing - and I needed Jake & Brenna for every single second of it. I was full of doubt that I could actually do this. They told me I could.

They were right - I did it. We did it.

The second Macyn was born, Brenna said "She looks just like Jake!". No truer words have ever been spoken :)

Five minutes after she was born, I told Jake that I couldn't wait to do that again. I was serious. I felt amazing. I had always questioned if I could actually deliver a baby without an epidural. It seemed like something other women could do - but was I really strong enough?

I was. We were. It was a team effort.


Fifteen months later, Jake and I decide to start trying for the next baby - fully expecting it to take us 'a while'.

It didn't. Within a few days, we were pregnant.

This pregnancy was easier than Macy's, even. I didn't have all the weird pregnancy symptoms, and I was busy. Mom to a toddler and a second grader, plus a gamut of other things on my plate...this pregnancy was over in a blink.

Heading to the hospital late at night, feeling so ready to meet our baby boy - wondering how our lives were about to change.

Loree was on call - and I saw her for just a few minutes during my 5 hours of labor. When it came time to push, she came in and said "You're the expert - just do it!".

I did it. Two big pushes and our sweet boy was in my arms.

We did it.


As I type this, all three of our kids are soundly sleeping in their beds. Each one, a gift. Each one, unique. Each one, cherished.

Without Hope, none of them would be here.

Someone delivered this baby of ours, too. Midwife - Doctor - whoever you are, we're grateful for you, too.

To The Midwives, Nurses, Ultrasound Techs, and Receptionists (yes, even you!)  -
The work you do is important. You don't just see patients, or check them in, or do exams, or run vitals, or perform ultrasounds, or deliver babies. For me, and for our family, you offered just the right amount of Hope.

Brenna & Loree - I don't think I'll ever forget the value you both gave me in Room 310 (where both our babies were born), almost exactly 2 years apart. You both gave me just what I needed. With Macy, I needed the moment-by-moment care and constant affirmation. With Silas, I just needed someone to show up and tell me to do it.

Our little family is complete (I think). Our days of 'having babies' are over - and now we are in the season of 'raising babies'. This is the season I've always looked forward to.

But without Hope, there would be no 'raising babies' season. The work you do is important.

We owe you!


One Thing I Know For Sure: Forever Grateful!

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Silas Jacob is Here.

Welcome to the world, Silas Jacob. You are twelve days old today, and it seems like I've known you forever. 

This is how your story begins.

You happened quickly - we were pregnant with you within days of deciding that we wanted another baby. The emotions were intense. 

We're pregnant! 
Wait, we're pregnant? 
Yes! We're pregnant! 

Due two days before Macy's second birthday. When I dreamt about being a mom (it's all I ever wanted) I dreamt about my kids being exactly two years apart.

We found out you were a boy on a Thursday afternoon. Brenna, the midwife, called with the test results. We were all in our bedroom - Carter and Macy laying on the bed, Dad just getting home from work, and me - putting the call on speaker so everyone could hear. And you. You were there, too.

"Are you ready? Are you sitting down? It's a......BOY!!!"

Celebration and cheering ensued. Dad cried a little, I think. 

I did, too. When I dreamt about being a mom, I dreamt about having two boys and a girl. 

The next several months were filled with snuggling a one year old, buying a minivan, packing school lunches, a growing belly, finishing our basement, reading books in laps, gestational diabetes (bummer - but really not so bad!), countless loads of laundry - countless family meals - countless walks to the lake - countless bedtime stories. 

But you already know all of this, because you were there.

The day before your due date, I felt amazing. I had more energy than I did in weeks. Both Carter and Macy were more needy and clingy than ever, that evening. I wondered if something was about to happen.

Daddy and I went to bed - I was sleeping soundly by 9 - he fell asleep around 10.

At 10:20pm, my water broke. 

At 11:20pm, we were at the hospital.

At 12:20am, I started my first round of antibiotics (because I was GBS+). I was 5 cm dilated.

At 1:00am, the contractions were becoming too intense, and I asked for a little nubain (which allows for rest between contractions, and takes the edge off a bit). 

At 3:20am, I thought the nubain must have been wearing off because everything was so intense again. The nurse checked me...and told me I was only at 6 or 7 cm dilated. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. They gave me a little more nubain.

At 3:40, I told the nurse I felt a little 'pushy'. "NO! It's too early." The midwife, Loree, was called in, I think. And by the time she was at the door, I was pushing. She walked in and said "Ashley, you're the expert. Your body knows what to do. Do it."

At 3:50, you took your very first breath. Dad and I fell in love. The world is forever changed.

Silas Jacob - 7lbs 2oz - 18.5 inches long. Born on your due date, just like your sister.  Five intense hours of labor, two intense pushes, and here you were - big dark eyes looking into mine.

Suddenly, the last 9 months are all a blur. How did we get here? Three precious kids - a daughter and two sons.

This is our life.


Later that afternoon, we had some really special visitors.

For fun, you can go back and look at Macy's birth story - you'll see the same giraffe. And the same big brother. He'll always be there, looking over you (even when it doesn't seem like it).

Some people won't understand him (or his giraffe) - and that's okay. We understand him - and he'll understand you, more than you know. You're brothers, and brothers are special.

Oh, and sisters. Sisters are special, too. Just in a different way. YOUR sister adored you from the minute she looked at you. She had a nickname for you after 2 minutes of knowing you.

"Hi, Tiny!"
"Hold Tiny?"
"Bottle, Tiny?"
"Snuggle Tiny!"
"Come here, Tiny!"

I can't help but think you're the luckiest baby ever.


We came home on a Thursday. We said goodbye to NaNa, who was here with Macy, and put Macy down for her nap.

And then we looked at each other. We have three kids. Each one of them perfectly unique.

I can't promise we'll always get it right. I can't even promise we'll mostly get it right.

I can promise that we'll ask for grace every single day. We need God's Wisdom in how to best love you, uniquely.

But, you know all about that, too.
Grace - Wisdom - Love - Uniqueness...all very familiar principles for your fresh little brain.

Siley J - this is the beginning of your story. It started with great intensity - where will it go from here?

You get to decide, sweet boy. You hold the pen. We'll help to strengthen and guide your hand as you eventually pick it up and write - but this story is all yours.

We owe you, Silas. We'll spend every day loving you the best we can.

One Thing I Know For Sure: We can't wait to discover who you are.

Thursday, March 09, 2017

Macy is Two.

Dear Macy,
Today, you are two years old. You'll ask for help today to hold up two fingers, because it's trickier than it looks. You'll sing 'happy bo-day' as you eat your green yogurt and strawberries. And this mama's heart will sing right along with you.

Two years old is special.

I remember finding out I was pregnant with you, and I secretly hoped we would have a girl.

A girl, with spunk. Maybe some sass.

And if we could have a girl with spunk and sass, but also a kind heart and a sunny disposition...well, I didn't hope for that. Because that seemed to be asking too much.

But, somehow...that's exactly what we got. A girl with sass and spunk and sunshine oozing out of every square inch. Our joy-girl, spilling love into every day. You are so much more than we ever asked for.

Soon to be our 'middle child', Daddy and I talked about you the other night.
Will she ever forgive us for turning her world upside down?
Will she get lost in the shuffle?
What if our extra-special relationship changes?
What if she loses some of her sparkle?

Macyn Joy, you can be the little Woman between two little Men. We'll help you, and teach you, and show you. We'll cherish you and nourish you. And then cherish you again. We'll use the tools we have to grow you up into everything God has created you to be.

So, between the chocolate milk in coffee mugs, and time on your 'ipap', and playing with brother's garbage trucks while he's at school, and begging to 'pway mama dowwy houth'...there will be Grace.

Grace that grows us and stretches us and changes us.

Two years old is a beautiful thing. So much wonder and excitement.

The other day, we were all playing outside in the driveway. Daddy opened up a lawn chair. A lawn chair! Something I've seen at least 700 times in my life. But you had never seen a lawn chair be opened before. You looked at the chair - and you looked at Daddy. And you said "Daddy! OH WOW!". Your genuineness stopped me.

You stared at that chair in amazement - and had a brand new reason to adore your Daddy.

I've spent time this week wishing you could stay little. The snuggles are nice, but it's not about that.

I wish you could stay little, so you never lose your wide-eyed wonder. I wish Two-Years-Old would never end, so that the genuine - vibrant - confident girl would never disappear.

And then I remember, this is Grace. The wide-eyed wonder - the genuineness - the confidence - even the sass and spunk. 

It's all attainable for a Woman flowing in Grace. This is good news, dear one.

Last year, when you turned one, I said that I can't wait to see who you ARE. Not who you're going to be, because you already are somebody.

This year, as you turn two, I've seen who you are...and I like it so much. 

Two years old, genuine and confident. 

This time next year, you will be less 'toddler' and more 'little girl'. And I'm okay with that. Growth is good - and we're all growing together. 

We love you 'tho mush'. May you always know it to be true.

One Thing I Know For Sure: Two years old, and so very special.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...