Monday, April 02, 2012

Homesick @ Home.

We've all felt it before.  That feeling of "I'm here - but I want to be there".  Or "I'm doing this - but I want to be doing that".

That's where I'm at today.  Can you sympathize?

Right now, some friends are in Kiev.  Soon they will head to Carter's former home to meet their daughter.  The same little girl that we delivered a blanket to while we were there.  I kissed her head, and told her that her family was coming soon.

They've been kind enough to include me in their journey.   The photos have taken me back.  Photos of the grocery store, the street we lived on, and even the orphanage gates.

Today, I'm homesick.  I try to be satisfied with wherever I am.  But today, I'm wishing I was there.  Somewhere that I just can't be right now.

I know, someday we can go back.  Someday we can take Carter back to his heritage.  Someday we can pay it back to his homeland.  Someday.

Someday is not today.

For now, that has to be okay.  There are no other options right now.  So I'm here - and I'm going to be satisfied here.  No - I'm going to enjoy being here.  And I'm going to soak up 'here' as long as I'm planted here.

On our first trip to Ukraine, I was homesick for home.  Funny how the tables have turned.  I would listen to a song over & over & over - believing it, even in the midst of my terrible homesickness.

"So faithful, so constant
So loving & so true
So powerful in all you do
You fill me - you see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you
I know that you are for me.  
I know that you are for me.  
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness.  
I know that you have come down, even if to write upon my heart.  
To remind who You are."

I my head, I would sing that chorus over and over.  "I know that you are for me...".  Even now, in the midst of my longing to be there while I'm planted here - I know that He is for me.  And sometimes when you're busy wishing & longing & begging - well, it's easy to forget that He is really, truly for us.  When I hear Him saying 'wait' - and 'no, not yet' - and 'soon, my daughter', it's easy to think that maybe He's not for me.

That's a big fat lie.  

He's for me.  And the best is yet to come.  This topic has been brought to the forefront of my mind this week.  Funny that I blogged these same words just a month after arriving home.

The best is yet to come.

So for the next few weeks, I'll be rejoicing with this family.  And this family.  Because they are there, where I'd love to be.  And someday, we'll go back.  But until then, I'll enjoy the here & now - wherever 'here' might be.

One Thing I Know For Sure:  He's for me.  And the best is yet to come.  Believing it today.


  1. Oh I pray we can take all our kids to Ukraine someday to see where Dariya was born and visit her birth family.

  2. I can empathize ;). For sure. And I would love to go back and take Alina to where she was born. I would also go back in a heartbeat on a Missions trip. But that longing to go back, that homesickness for a place that isn't really is the craziest sensation, isn't it? That trip, that process, did change us. Down syndrome changed us, then adoption changed us once again. All of it for the better, for a deeper understanding of humanity and life and purpose. Feeling grateful all over again after reading this post :). Thank you!

  3. There is a family at BLake's orphanage this week as well and the pictures are taking me back and I MISS it...believe it or not. I want to go back...not sure I can pinpoint what I 'miss'...but it is there and will always be, I think.

  4. It's been fun having a front-row seat for your transformation... Thanks for blogging about it. Who knows, maybe next time you'll even forego TGIFridays for only ethnic cuisine!

  5. So glad that others feel the way I do. I haven't even made my first trip to Russia for this adoption, but I already want to move there, to serve there, to make a difference for the people there. I pray that down the road after the child who will be more grown, more educated and more of the person she would never have a chance to be there, that we can go back and serve amongst the people and live the gospel in a way that leads others to the Living Water they are so very thirsty for. Beautiful post, beautiful photos. :)


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