Monday, February 20, 2012

I Don't Get It.

Today, some things are weighing so heavy on my heart.  And I'm asking the Lord for clarity.  I know there are some things I just don't understand.  Won't understand.  Can't understand.   

But sometimes, when it hurts, I want so badly to understand.  To get it.  To see a glimpse of why & how things happen.  

But right now, I just don't get it.  I don't see it.  I don't understand it.

And that's all I'll say about that.  


If this boy could talk, he would say...well - a lot of things, I'm sure.  Because he's just wanting so badly to speak.  He chatters all day long, telling his mama lengthy stories.  But if he could speak - really speak, he'd say that having a family is pretty great.  He'd tell you that a mama and a dada are so fun, and they really come in handy when you want something.  He'd probably tell you that you don't have to be perfect to me a mommy or a daddy, because his mama & dada have already made their fair share of mistakes.  

He'd tell you that it's not perfection that he needs.  Just a helping hand, a good heavy dose of love, and a willingness to learn him.  He just needs someone who is willing to take a chance.  Take a step.  He just needs someone to say 'yes' to him.  Someone to say that they believe he has a future.  A hope.

So glad we said yes.  So glad we took a step.  Praising God that he changed our hearts.  That he opened our eyes.  That he called us out.

Is adoption for everyone?  Should everyone do it?  No, I don't think so.  But CAN anyone do this?  Yes.  Yes, yes, yes.  We are nothing special.  Just two kids who took a step.  If we can do this, anyone - ANYONE - can do this.

How many Carter's are out there?  Just waiting for someone to take a chance on them?  Just hoping someone will say yes to them?  Breaks my heart to think about it.

Maybe someone is waiting for you.  Yes, you.  You - DINK (double income no kids...that was us, so I can use the term!).  Yes, you.  And how about you, with all those young kids at home?  Maybe you.  Or how about you, mama whose kids are almost grown?  What about you?  Or even you...yes, YOU!  I know you may be a grandma already - but God might be calling you!  Have you asked the Lord?  Maybe you should.

And when the Lord says go - you should go.  Don't be worrisome about the expensive ransom.  Don't fret about what your friends and family will think.  Because we serve a big, big God.  And I may only be 27....but I'm old enough to have learned that in most cases, it doesn't stinkin' matter what anyone thinks.

When God says go, you go.  Make sure you're listening.

To think we would have missed this gift.....unimaginable.


So at the end of the day, when I'm feeling overwhelmed - frustrated - hurt - confused....I can step back and look at the big picture.  Not 'just' that a child is saved.  Not 'just' that God cares enough to stoop down, to speak to ME.  It's more than that.  There's more.  So much more.

Your voice it thunders - The ground is shaking
The mighty mountains now are trembling
Creation sees you - It starts composing
The fields and trees they start rejoicing

And now, it's rising from the ground
Hear us crying out - Hear us crying out!

Holy - Holy - Holy - Holy - Lord!
The earth is yours!

Sounds like a pretty mighty - incredible - huge - amazing - strong - all powerful God that we serve.  And maybe I don't need to understand.  Maybe I don't need to 'get it'.

Maybe I can just step back.  And maybe I can let our big, mighty God take care of it.

That would probably be best anyways, right?  Right.

Thanks for the chat, friend.  I feel so much better.

One Thing I Know For Sure: "And these are but the outer fringe of His works; how faint the whisper we hear of him!  Who then can understand the thunder of his power?" - Job 26:14


  1. To you almost grandma's - you don't have an empty nest, you have an open nest! :)

  2. All I can think of is you're TOO young to have a heavy heart!!!! But being an "old soul" has it's drawbacks.
    Hope the Lord helps clarify things for you. I just love the pictures of Carter kissing! SO sweet. How nice you
    are getting those "signs" of attachment through his affection.

  3. This little cutie pie reminded me/looks like of Carter....

  4. He looks AMAZING. So healthy and happy!

  5. I just happened upon your blog as I was going through the NDSS site. Wow so great to read your story. We took followed God's path for our lives and adopted a little girl with down syndrome 4 years ago. We felt the tug for years. When we were first married, my plan was to always adopt somehow someway, but fear took over us for a while, we are middle income family...we had 2 healthy biological children and I wanted to adopt for our third, most people told us we were nuts, we should be happy with what we have etc. but God just kept speaking to me, His voice talked to us over and over. Finally when my husband and I were turning 40,and our other children were 9 and 13... I looked at my husband and said it is time, we need to go find our child. We started the process at first looking into foster care but then switched our search to children with special needs. We only told a few people in the beginning of the process, this was our life and something we were excited about, we shared at first only with those who supported this decision. In time we did share and still had same responses from some people (Who after meeting our Abigail changed thier minds quickly!!!) It has been 4 years since she joined our family and she has been the best thing that has ever happened to us. God was with us throughout the whole process and still is. She bonded with us immediately.
    SO I agree go all you DINKS, or almost empty nesters!! Don't let fear stop you. As we have an 18 year old and a 14 year old some days I think wow how blessed We are that we have this little angel giving us hugs and kisses all day long as we are living through the teen years with our other children!! I also think that having Abby has given our teens a different perspective on life. They take nothing for granted, they love their little sister!! She may frustrate them sometimes, she can be stubborn, but they love her still the same!!
    Thanks for you blog, it is so awesome to read another families journey of faith in finding their son!


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