Craving.

Light.  I'm am in love with light.  Real light - sunlight.  The brightness, the warmth.  Maybe it's the fact that here in Wisconsin, winter is just starting.  Today, wind chills are below zero.  Like, way below zero.  And maybe I'm realizing that I have several more months of being holed up in this little house, with a very busy toddler.  But pictures like this (thank you, pinterest....) have me scheming about how to make our home more bright...crisp....airy....clean.  

Don't worry, Jake....there are no projects or paint in our future.

No, this is not our home. No, no, no....
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More time with this guy.  Because really, I do think he's great.  He takes really, really good care of his family.  I knew our time together would change with the addition of a 3 year old...duh.  But it's hard finding the balance.  When Carter is finally asleep, we're sometimes too tired for any kind of intelligible conversation.  That's sad, to me.  I miss him - even though he's right next to me...you know?  I know - we'll figure out the balance, eventually.  But until then, it feels like we're just pushin' through the day, trying to make it to the next.  

Well - glad I have this guy to push through with me.

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Silence.  It's naptime, darnit.  Doesn't the guy sawing down a tree outside Carter's window understand that my child is sleeping?!  Doesn't he also know that this is the coldest day of the year - and he could probably wait until....well, until a day that Carter's not napping?!

Between Moses barking, the phone ringing, the oven beeping, and the darn tree saw-er...I am definitely craving silence.

Silence....the desire of every mama's heart, I suppose.

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This place.  When do you stop longing to go back to this place?  I've been on exotic vacations to luxurious places, and after the vacation is over and my bags are unpacked - I eventually forget about that place and start to focus on home.  But this is different.  This place is in my heart - my soul.  I miss it.  No, I long for it.  Photographically, this is not the best photo from our trip.  But it's my favorite.  It's not a photo of a historic building or a special street.  It's our view.  Our view from our apartment.  And some days, I try to put myself back in this photo to remember the air, the sounds, the smells.  But it's not the same.  

Someday, we will go back to this place.  Someday....

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A freeze frame.  Because little boy is growing and changing. And for the first time since being a mommy, I'm wanting to freeze time.  Just for a little while, so we can enjoy every minute of this boy - before he gets too big to snuggle and cuddle.  Because really, we've missed 3 years.  We're trying to catch up and time just keeps slipping through our fingers. 

'Like sand through the hourglass...so are the days of our lives....'.  I guess it's true.  

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Hole-in-the-knee pants.  From crawling around with my boy.  I've been really working at being intentional about getting on the floor, and just being.  Just doing.  Whatever it is that HE is doing.  The dishes can wait (until 2 minutes before Jake gets home....!).  The laundry will be there after bedtime.  

But this boy...he won't wait.

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Direction.  Focus.  'Lord, where do you want us to go from here?'.  And listening, silently, for an answer. When I say 'where do you want us to GO' - I don't mean just geographically.  In all areas - where does he want us?  Where does he want us in our chuch?  Where does he want us in our community?  What should  we be involved in?  What should we step away from?  What therapies should we focus on with Carter? 

We need direction - because we don't want to make choices based on our own desires.  We really do want it to be all about Him.  Looking & listening daily for His direction....it ain't easy, people.

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And this.  Yes, I'll admit - I'm craving this.  I don't indulge in this nearly as much as I used to (even though I have gift cards!).  Because I don't leave the house 43x a week.  Because my income has been deleted (and even with a few gift cards, it's still an extra expense).  Because after a few hours of running errands in the morning, it just doesn't seem important to stop there for a quick fix....well - until I get home, and then I'm kicking myself in the rear for not stopping.

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One Thing I Know For Sure: Looks pretty dang yummy.  Maybe tomorrow.....