2 Months Home - How We're Doing, Really.

This is a question I get all the time.  "Everything sounds great, but how are you really doing?!".  So today, right now, I'm going to spare you the "oh, good - we're doing really good" answer, and give you the real deal.  Raw and unabridged.

Because the truth is, we are doing good.  Really good.  But there is so, so much more to it than that.

The last 2 months (and one day...!) have been hard.  They've been messy.  They've been exhausting.  They've been confusing.  Any new mommy & daddy would say the same thing - newborn or otherwise.  But bringing a 3 year old into a brand new family is different.  Not harder or easier - just different.  Carter came with an established personality - a muddy past - and an attachment to....well - no one, really.

I think I was naive to think that after we got home, if we just got that boy some love and some healthy food that we'd be on the road to success.  In part, this is true.

Huge difference, right?!

We have seen the difference that a little lovin' makes - and it's huge.  Monumental.  But this 3 year old boy needs more than a little love and veggies.

Like discipline.  How do you discipline someone you're trying desperately to attach to?  Very carefully.  Being a preschool teacher for 7 years - I have all they keys to unlock the mysterious mind of a naughty preschooler.  I know just what to say and just how to handle the most out-of-control child.  And on top of that, they would love me in return.  But Carter is different.  He is fragile.  Don't let his healthy figure and cute smile fool you.  He is fragile.  He is trying to explore his world.  His new world.  He is working out, in his mind, all the exciting - intriguing - incredible things around him.  And when I see his mind working, and the gears are turning - it's hard for me to step in and say 'NO!'.  I do say no-no.  Often.  But each time, I wonder if that's really what's best.  I know - he needs to learn discipline - and he does understand no-no.  But this kid is just walking around, enjoying life.  Totally sucking the marrow out of it.  And we're telling him 'no-no'.

Sometimes, Carter gets a gentle hand tap.  Enter, Christmas tree (so stinkin' glad it's gone!).  And I know he needs that little slap, but as I'm doing it, I can't help but wonder who has done it in the past.  Not on his hands - but on his face, head, back...?  And again, I wonder if that's really what's best.

See what I mean?  Messy.

We are go-ers.  Always on the go.  It's our nature.  Being-doing-seeing-going is in our blood, somehow.  But as a family who just brought home a 3 year old, 'going' should not be part of our daily activities.  In fact - instead of being-doing-seeing-going, we should be sitting-listening-quieting-holding.  It's easier said than done, trust us.  After spending 30+ days in a tiny apartment in Ukraine, we were ready to hit the ground running the day we got home.  And we couldn't.  Then, after a week of staying home - we were ready to get back to our old being-doing-seeing-going ways.  A tip to those of you about to embark on this incredible journey:  When you think your child is ready for xyz, wait another week.  When you think you're ready for xyz, wait another 2 weeks.  Once you let that person snuggle your baby, or you start running errands with your child, or whatever - it's really, really hard to get it back.  It's nearly impossible to go back and say 'you're snuggling too much' or to tell yourself 'the errands can wait until later' - because it's already been done - so what can the harm be in doing it more?!

See what I mean?  Exhausting.  Confusing.  This is the reality of adoption.  I don't ever want to make this journey look easy.  It's not.

That's not to say that it's not good.  That it's not incredible.  Amazing.  Rewarding.  Because of course, it is all of those things.  But it's not easy.

Recently we've been noticing that Carter generally doesn't choose us.  He doesn't necessarily look for us.  He will excitedly reach out to be held by strangers.  This is not so good.  We know, it's only been two months.  But we've had to take a little step back in our attachment process, and re-do - or maybe un-do - some things.  Less snuggles and kisses from others.  More snuggles and kisses from us (if that's even possible!).  We know that we'll get there - but we only have one shot at this.  We can't worry about stepping on someones toes when our son's attachment is at stake.

Someone recently told me we shouldn't worry about attachment, because he'll naturally attach to us - eventually.  Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way when we're dealing with a newly-adopted 3 year old.  Everyone's an expert, you know?!

So, as I'm sitting here enjoying my coffee - rambling on about attachment....my sweet boy is laughing big belly laughs in his highchair, enjoying the last bits of breakfast.  Please, don't misunderstand.  We are so abundantly blessed.  Incredibly happy.  But don't think for a second that this is a piece of cake.

It's tough stuff - this adoption journey.  But so, so worth it.

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In the past month, Carter has picked up so many new things.  We're really amazed with how quickly he learns and implements new signs.  In the past week or so, he's added 'milk', 'water', 'cat', 'bird', 'baby' (for 'Baby Signing Time'...no, I'm not having a baby, people!) , and 'shoes'.  He's been babbling a little more - and not just the same 'ahhh-ahhh-AH' sound.  Lots of different syllables and sounds that we've not heard from him before.  He's also been enjoying the freedom of using his voice.  At home, he can sometimes be loud and silly - he laughs for no apparent reason.....I think because he CAN.  Nobody is going to tell him to stop or be quiet.

Physically, he's been making strides, too.  The walking is going well - and we've been just waiting for him to figure out how to go from a 'sit' to a 'stand' without the use of a couch or a wall.  Well - yesterday, he did it.  He was sitting on the floor, and he just got his little legs where they needed to be....and he stood right up.  My heart almost burst - you just don't know how proud I am to watch our boy learn new things.

A lot more 'heart burst' moments ahead, I'm sure.  This mama is ready!

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I've been getting a slew of nasty comments from all those adoption-hating trolls.  I can take it - they don't really affect me.  However, they've recently been attacking another sweet Reece's Rainbow family in the comments that they leave here.  I know, it's ridiculous.  But because these comments could affect and hurt other people - I'm turning on 'comment moderation'.  That means that if you leave me a comment, I'll have to approve it before it gets posted.  I'll still have to read their absurd comments, but at least they won't be posted here for others to read.

Really, I just don't get it.  As I've said before - move along, ugliness.

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2 months home.  Some days it feels like years - only because he fits in so well.  And other days, we're reminded that this is still all so new and fresh for Carter.

2 months home.  I got a text from my Uncle Greg yesterday - 'when are you adopting again, I'm running out of chocolate!'.  Love it.  I guess it's time to start praying about the next one.

Okay - maybe not :)

2 months home.  Praising God for our friends & family who have walked alongside us the past two months.  Grateful they understand that this is tough stuff.

2 months.

One Thing I Know For Sure: 2 months - 60 days - 1,440 hours....Loved every one of the 86,400 minutes.