Monday, January 24, 2011

Just Wait A Minute

Waiting.  In the doctors office.  In busy traffic.  In the Starbucks line.  For your husband to pick out the 'right' sweater @ Kohls (yes...this IS something I do often!).  These are forms of waiting that I really don't mind.  It doesn't bother me. 
But when God tells me to wait for something....I lose it.  I throw a tantrum like a little toddler.  NOW, God!  I want it NOW!!  I whine, I complain, I get angry...pounding my fists on the ground, kicking my feet.  NOW!  When are you finally going to come through, and give me what I want?  (As if I've been waiting a lifetime.  But sometimes it feels like I have....)  As my meltdown comes to an end...this is when it happens.  A whisper.  Did you hear that?

"My timing is perfect"

No - God - you don't know!  You just don't know how badly I want this!  You don't know how much this matters to me!  You have no idea how this would change everything!

"Trust me"

But God, I have been trusting you!  I've been trusting you all along, and you still haven't given me what I want!  What I think I need!  Why are you denying me??

Do you ever argue like this with God?  Do you ever beg?  Plead?  Sometimes I feel like kicking & screaming.  And yet, I know all the responses "My ways are perfect", "I will direct your paths", "I am in control".  But you see, I'm a schemer.  I'm an organizer.  A planner.  I'm a "make it happen" kind of person.  If my day isn't going as planned, I take eight 3 year olds and turn it around.  If something needs to be done, or taken care of - I just do it.  But I'm learning that there are some things I can't just "make happen".  Some things require great amounts of patience, trust, perseverance.  All things that I don't do well.  You may be there right now - scheming, pushing, manipulating, organizing - doing your best to make sure the "right thing" happens. But when it's not God's time ... when it's not God's way ... when it's not God's will, you're "making it happen" will ultimately mess things up.  Lately, I've done a lot of kicking & screaming.  Things haven't always gone as I wanted them to...and I am so glad.  As it turns out, God did know what he was doing.  Despite my tantrums, He did work things out for good.  And won't he do so again?  Time to trust.

One Thing I Know For Sure: I am so hesitant to post this...vulnerability is also something I struggle with :)


  1. It's "funny" that you post this now. I have been having the "Trust me" and "My timing is perfect" conversation with God for oh...5 months now. And it continues...we'll have to talk sometime and compare notes. :-) Bless you as you wait!

  2. Being vulnerable is a risk, but anything worthwhile usually involves some kind of risk. I'm so happy that you decided to take the risk and share your heart! God will work through you when you do!


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