This was our summer, in a nutshell.
I've been learning that for our family to function at it's best, we need help.
In the past, I've fallen into the trap of comparing our family to other families.
"They don't need people to help them at church..."
"They don't need to keep the bathroom door and the baby's room door closed at all times..."
"They don't need grandma to take two-thirds of their kids for a day so they can have a break..."
"They don't need baby gates to block off the kitchen..."
"They don't need to divide the kids up to two separate houses in order to get a date night..."
"They don't need to keep their bedroom door locked..."
But no. We aren't like other families. We need lots of help. From lots of people. Without help, we can get by. We can struggle through. We can survive.
We don't want to just survive, so we ask for help.
We've had very little help in the way of respite - and this summer, we decided to dive in and try it out. Because - I'm just going to be frank - life with Carter is special and wonderful, but damn hard.
Carter is a little light in our house - bright and refreshing. But sometimes we just want to turn the light out for a little while and give our eyes a rest.
As I prepared for summer - I couldn't imagine an entire summer with this bright light shining in my eyeballs, 24/7. Add in two other little (less-bright, less-intense) lights, and I knew we needed more help.
So this summer, Angell came for 4 to 6 hours per day, on 3 to 4 days per week. Carter had respite.
We all had respite.
Our goal for respite was for Carter to have meaningful fun. When we developed this goal in the spring, I was still hesitant and not sure how Carter would fill his time. All I could think of was therapy (which has been over for almost a year) and I didn't want his summer to look like therapy at all.
Looking back, this was the summer of our dreams. Carter went on amazing adventures with someone who truly understands him, and leads him, and loves him. He did things that were fun an exciting for him. He played, a lot. He swam, a lot. Freedom.
And guess what? Carter learned. Carter grew.
And so did I.
This is our vision for Carter's future. Meaningful fun. Bringing the joy. Connections and relationships with those who understand him and want him to be successful.
Freedom!
This summer helped me realize that Carter CAN be passed off to other qualified adults to go on excursions. Carter CAN go to speech, occupational therapy, a restaurant, the park, the pool, EAA with someone else and have an amazing time.
Just, basically, Carter CAN.
And guess what else? Carter came home from each outing feeling special and adored. And when he came home, I had more energy to pour into him. This is what respite did for us.
Respite may have saved me from myself.
Our summer of freedom.
Thanks, Angell.
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There's more!
Throughout the summer, other people put their arms around us and said "Me! Pick me! I want to help! How can we share in your burden?".
Some took Carter for an entire day, so I could focus on Macy and Silas.
Some took Macy and Silas for the day so I could focus on other things.
Some came here to watch Macy and Silas so I could run errands.
Some washed windows - put away dishes - washed floors - watered flowers.
Some folded laundry while they sat at our table during lunch.
Some helped us understand Carter's new food sensitivities (long story!) and helped us develop a plan.
Some offered to grab groceries for us.
So many brought fun and joy into our lives, during what could have been a very trying season.
Really, this is what happened when I learned to ask for more help.
We could probably do this without you all, but we don't want to.
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Summer is gone, and we're one month into school. There are big changes for Carter this year, and he's handling them like a champ (well, duh). He's with some new people who are genuinely working to understand him and who he is as a person. He's somebody worth figuring out, and they recognize that.
I guess this is a good place to end.
Being understood & felt. What more is there to say?
One Thing I Know For Sure: To the Givers, the Carers, the Lovers - we need you!
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