On Thursday, we went to introduce Carter to our boy Moses. Well...let's just say it was a total disaster. Terrible with a capital 't'. Carter absolutely freaked. Screamed bloody murder. We could not get Moses out of the room quick enough. It was bad.
Moses? He was great. Didn't even mind Carter's blood-curdling scream! Way to go, Mose. Soon, you'll get to come home and be with your family. Just a few more days, bud. Or maybe weeks. We'll see....
But can I be honest? We were so, so sad. Really - pretty crushed. We miss Moses so much...call us crazy, but we just want BOTH our boys home. Not sure where to go from here - but after Carter's reaction, it's pretty clear that we can't just try to reintroduce them. We're thinking about taking video of Moses, and having Carter watch it at home, where he feels safe.
Who knows.
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Carter wanted to show you all his Green & Gold pride :) Pretty adorable, if I do say so myself!
C'mon...even if you're not a Packer fan, isn't this the cutest thing you've ever seen?!
We also took Carter out of the house for the first time. He likes his carseat, and the car seems to put him to sleep almost immediately.
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| If you look closely, you'll see his hat has little ears!! So sweet, right?! |
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And me? Well...I've been enjoying the simple things.
It's true, babe. When we're together - every day is a snow day. It's been so good having you home...and it will be so hard when you go back to work. Miss you already :)
I've also been thoroughly enjoying songs like this (yes, I'm a closet fan....) and this....I never knew how fun it would be to dance around OUR house, with OUR three-year-old, to this music. Pretty great.
The simple things, right?!
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Most of the time, Carter is an absolute honey. Nothing but hugs, giggles, and snuggles. Really - 90% of the time, he's an angel. But every so often, he loses it. Take nap time, for instance. In Ukraine, naps were no problem. Here? Huge problem. Like, screaming for an hour before he falls asleep. It's tough, ya know? Because we don't know if he's crying because he wants to keep playing (like any 3 year old) or if he's scared. So right now, leaving him in his crib to fall asleep while he's screaming isn't really an option. Because if he IS scared, it would be detrimental for us to just leave him alone (abandonment/loneliness/anxiety/etc). On the other hand - if he just wants to play, and we get him up every time he cries, then we're teaching him that all he needs to do is throw a little fit in order to get his way. Also not good, right? I can't say that I'm not tempted to let him sleep in the bath tub. Ha :)
However, we're fairly sure that Carter is just a typical, stubborn 3 year old. Because he throws the same fits when one of us is in the shower - and he wants in, too.
Yea. Like I said - this stuff is hard.
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After 3 days home, the laundry is officially done and put away, and....well - hmm....I guess that's about all we've done since coming home. I could kick myself for not doing xyz before we left...because that means that I have to do it now. But - I guess those things will get done in time. It's hard for me not to worry about the cabinets being organized...or other random, equally ridiculous things. Maybe I have a problem...I don't know :) In all seriousness, though - I think the hardest part about staying home will be for me to just let it go. It's okay if I don't fold the laundry the minute it's done. It's okay if my floors aren't sparkling. They weren't really sparkling before, anyways.
Darn you, June Cleaver. This is your fault!
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One Thing I Know For Sure: I burnt some apples on the stove today, Carter had a massive fit before nap, there might be dishes in the sink....but Carter got more love than he knows what to do with! I'd say it was a good day....!
From reading other adoptive families' blogs I have found that many children are afraid of dogs at first, but after a few days they do just fine. It might be one of those things where the more Moose is around the more Carter will realize he is safe to be around.
ReplyDeleteOf course, you know best, I wasn't there for the horrible tantrum... but just a thought. Good luck!
Ah, the trials and tribulations of parenting. You are so right..... this stuff IS hard. But you're doing a great job, and each success and failure will help you the next day, and the next, and the next. Your gut instincts kick in also! So sorry about Moses:( I hope you're able to resolve that soon, so he can come home.
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow Packer fan and Wisconsinite, I must say your boy looks great in his jersey! He is adorable- it sounds like everyone is adjusting great! Good luck and congrats on your beautiful son!
ReplyDelete-Kristen
Sending you an email :) Keep your chin up, praying for you guys and love that cute little outfit, of course it pales next to the cutie pie wearing it, but it is cute :)
ReplyDeleteBoth my sons screamed when seeing our dogs and cats for the first few days (2 different adoptions from Russia 19 months and 3 1/2 years old). We showed them pictures prior to bringing them home, but actually seeing them in person was a different thing. What helped was getting baby gates for the dogs not the child. We also kept the dogs on the back deck so they could see the dogs, but didn't have to interact with them.
ReplyDeleteA few things:
ReplyDeleteFirst... okay, I admit it... he is crazy cute in that jersey. Seriously. He's rooting for the wrong team (Go Pats!), but he can get away with it because he is irresistably adorable.
Second... get used to your house never being spotless ever again. Ever. Kids don't only leave behind muddy footprints and smears of pb&j on your walls, they leave a trail of toys. And crumbs. Sometimes milk or juice. Sometimes it's something gross that you just don't want to touch. You will find stickers all over your walls, stuck inside various places in your car, and on your furniture. You're going to find goldfish crackers and chewed up cookie hidden in your couch cushions (or not hidden!). It's gonna happen, and it's okay because every mother with young children in the country is going through the same thing. We're all sitting in a pile of clutter, completely exhausted and not caring (until we know company is coming, then it's a frenzy to clean up).
Third... I've read the same thing, about adopted children having to warm up to the dogs. The baby gate is a good idea, and also, if Moses is crate trained. He could chill safely inside and Carter can warm up to the idea of being in the same room with Moses while he's in the crate. He can approach him and get to know him, maybe pass a few treats to Moses, until he's ready for him to be "free." You could try that for a few minutes a day, gradually increasing the time. I bet poor Moses will find himself with a few stickers stuck to his forehead in no time!
I find that I want to respond often as I read through … so here is my conglomeration of responses!
ReplyDeletePraying things will come together with Carter and Moses, so both boys can be home!
Carter looks adorable in his packer gear!
I have some friends who actually take car rides to help their child fall asleep when he is having trouble sleeping at home.
Haha. Yes! For the Olympic swimming pool! ☺
Starbucks!! I think of you and our study/hang out/and Bible Study times often when I go to study at Starbucks.
Your husband is such a sweetheart! I am so glad God brought the two of you together! I love the owl that you mentioned from the previous post! You are both equally blessed with each other!
Dancin’ to music ☺ …brings back good memories… so thankful for Carter being home and the joy of little moments, like dancing around the house!
Praying for the joys and struggles!
Thank you for sharing from your heart.
Carter is SO blessed to have you and Jake for parents!
<3 ya!
Heids
Aw...hope you can work it out with Moses at home...the video could work but again he'll be only seeing a 2 inch dog so the "real" thing will still be overwhelming..I tend to agree that having Moses home but safely out of reach could be the solution...I'm sure you will work it out in time (hopefully before Moses turns grey...LOL)......
ReplyDeleteMeemom
Oh Ash...just wanted to come give you a big huge. Maybe I'll do that next week! I'm so sorry to hear about Carter's reaction to Moses. Have you asked for access to the ATR board yet? There is a HUGE wealth of knowledge there if you want additional ideas to what was offered above (which sound great in my opinion).
ReplyDeleteAnd what VCoops said - yes, get used to it. :-) I know you KNOW that, but finding peace in it is HARD. I know that. Hang in there. Praying for you!
Oh, btw, he IS super adorable in his Packer gear! :-)
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