One Year Ago - He's Comfortable

{This post was originally published one year ago today, when we were in Ukraine adopting our sweet Carter}

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Another rainy day....but today was also windy.  Super windy.  Bummer :)

Our second visit of the day was perfect!  Carter was a little snuggly at first, but he seemed to be feeling better!  Keep praying for that cough to be GONE!

We decided that since he snuggled so much with me during the last visit, this visit was Jake's turn :)

Then - out of the blue, this boy just perked right up!  He was crawling all over the place and we had him laughing so, so hard.

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We brought a few animal crackers along today, just to see what he would do (shh...don't tell the nannies!).  Well - we were surprised to see that he wanted nothing to do with it.  We tried again toward the end of our visit, and again, he didn't want it.  We put it in his mouth, and it was like he didn't know what to do with it.  It just sat in his mouth.  Eventually I took it out, but it was like he had no idea it was even in there.  I'm not going to jump to conclusions yet - and maybe in a few days we'll bring a banana. 

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Several people have asked if we love Carter.  It's a complex answer, I guess.  There have definitely been some supernatural connections made.  There is no doubt about that.  The first time we met, emotions were so strong.  This boy that we've prayed for - cried about - struggled to get to - is now in our arms.  There's something amazing about that - and also completely overwhelming.  Then on our first visit, I'll be honest - it was difficult.  Difficult because of unrealistic expectations that we had.  Do you hear that?  It was US that made it difficult.  We have pictured Carter being like 'this' or like 'that' for over 6 months.  Our first actual visit was nothing like we had imagined.  He was scared.  He was skeptical.  And we just wanted 'our' Carter.

Today's visits, however, have made all the difference.  He is comfortable with us.  He looks happy to see us.  He cries when we leave.  It's clear he desires to be with us.  He laughs with us.  And THIS is how we had imagined it would be.

Do we love him?  Yes.  Undoubtedly, yes.  Not because he now 'fits' our expectations - but because we have chosen to love him, DESPITE our expectations.  We know there will be difficult, awkward days ahead.  That's okay.  Love is a choice, we believe.  It's not an emotion or a feeling.  No - it's an ACT. And we'll choose to love him - hard or easy, fast or slow, up or down.

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And can I just say, I'm a pretty lucky girl.  Jake has been so sweet to me this whole trip.  When I was homesick, he made me feel safe.  He tells me how 'great' I'm doing (ha -right!  I'm a mess!).  He makes dinner - AND cleans up!  He prays for our boy every day before we leave.  He's great.

And today - he's missing a Packer game....and he's not even complaining about it :)

Just sayin' :)

One Thing I Know For Sure: I can't wait until we get this little boy HOME!