Wednesday, April 25, 2012


I got a comment today from someone who wanted to make sure we were all 'okay' over here.  Because I haven't blogged in what seems like an eternity.

Well, it's only been 12 days, but still.

So here I am, back in this place - right where I love to be.  Blogging my little heart out.

Last week was a good one.  This blog may have been quiet, but our life was loud.  Not because we were busy, not because things were crazy, but because I was striving to find the balance that seems so hard to come by these days.

Last week, I committed myself to living my life, instead of writing about it.  I forced myself to be a part of the memories, instead of snapping photos of them.   

Life needs to be captured.  It deserves to be captured.  But it also must be enjoyed.  And sometimes, capturing and enjoying can't be done at the same time.  

So last week, I enjoyed.  I'm learning balance in this area.  I've said it here before that I don't ever want to be a 'tv mom' or a 'computer mom'.  I'm now realizing that I don't want to be a 'camera mom' either - whose kids are constantly saying 'mama, come play in the sand' or 'come swim with us'....while I give a hundred reasons why sand and water aren't good for my camera.



I took a phone call the other day that caught me off guard.  I knew it was coming - I had been waiting for it.  I thought it would be no big deal.  Long story short - I had to answer lots of questions about what our boy was capable of.

Can he do this?  No.  Is he able to do that?  No.  Would he be capable of this?  No.  Does he do this?  No.  Has he ever done that?  No.

No.  No.  Nope.  No.

She apologized, and explained that she just needed to 'fill in some blanks' on an application (that got lost in the I said, long story...).  She realized that there were a lot of 'no' answers, and very, very few 'yes' answers.

I started to feel a little discouraged.  I mean, I know that 3 years in an orphanage has set Carter way back. But I don't see that when I look at him, when I hug him, when I'm working with him.  I try not to look at all the things he can't do - and I try to focus really hard on what he can do.

And this dang application was making that pretty hard.

He's just....Carter.  Our son.  Who we are so, so proud of.  Who we are amazed by every moment of every day.  And maybe he can't match shapes, or recognize colors - but he can love like nobody else.  He can forgive better than anyone I know.  His smile is the sweetest thing ever (biased, maybe...).  He knows more about resilience and determination than most of us.

So there.  Take that, application.

Balance.  See?


I've been accused (nicely!  by my favorite follower...!) of becoming too serious.  I figure if this person feels this way, then maybe you do, too.

"Not enough humor - too much heavy.  You've lost your spunk."

My life has been heavy the past few weeks.  I'm going to let you in on a huge secret.  I struggle.  And when I'm struggling a bit, and life is heavy - I will write heavy.  When life is spunky, I will write spunky. That's just being real.  No fluff, here.

So, after 12 days away, it feels good to be back here - sharing my thoughts with you.  The break was good, but I'll be back sooner rather than later.  Thanks for listening, friend.

One Thing I Know For Sure: Balance is hard (think tightrope, people...) - but so, so good.

+It seems something terrible has happened.  Blogger says my photos are 'untraceable' - which means no signature photo.  Shucks.  I hope the rest of my photos aren't gone.  

But if I'm being real - my real-life signature looks nothing like my blog signature.  See?  No fluff.  


  1. living it but why does it seems so difficult at times. I am so guilty of not doing enough and trying to capture too much but I do try my best to balance of course its not always an easy task to accomplish

    That Carter is such a handsome little guy, I hate I have to fill out and IEPs too.. i wish we could throw them to the wind and have everyone as proud as we are of william and his achievements

    Love your post from the heart, its real and why would anyone want something that was not real. so glad your back:)

  2. Not gonna lie. I was expecting the worst. Every day there was no new post I had a sick feeling in my stomach. Glad you were just taking a break to enjoy that boy!

  3. Ya...balance...let me know when you figure it out so you can teach me, ok??? :-)

    I totally get what you mean about answering questions on that application. I assume it was the big blue one. The IEP makes you feel the same way. :-( E's come SOOOO far and I know his therapists know that, but the wording they have to use is a bit heartbreaking.

    Simply adorable photos as always! :-)

  4. AAAhhh there is that sweet Carter smile and pout and crying. I miss seeing you blog posts, I guess u "kinda" got me used to comeing by in the morning to see what this sweet sweet boy has bin up to. Sometime locateing blance is so complicated but I am sure u will find it! Love from Brazil (I forto to leave my name this morning)Talita

  5. Love you and Carter just the way you are. Glad you took a break because I have been too busy to read blogs lately. Try ing to establish some balance in my life too.

    Carlene's soon to be momma

  6. No fluff is important, especially for those of us reading and hoping to walk down the path of of international adoption in the future. I think there are so many blogs that glorify it, and no doubt it is a glorious thing, but I love being able to come read the rawness of it too without sugar coating the struggles of it all as well.

    And while you are busy enjoying life, I think you need a trip down to the Milwaukee zoo so I can meet your sweet boy!

  7. Because you love him with every fiber of your being.... so many things will be hard. It's just parenthood,
    and it's parenthood with some special needs. It's a lifelong journey. Some people along the way will understand and be incredible. Others won't. And you'll feel every emotion known to man, and it seems you'll feel it ten fold. Because, as I said, you love him with every fiber of your being..... Missed you! and love the pictures, especially the downcast one with the long eyelashes. I envision his thoughts. He feels loved.


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