I got a comment today from someone who wanted to make sure we were all 'okay' over here. Because I haven't blogged in what seems like an eternity.
Well, it's only been 12 days, but still.
So here I am, back in this place - right where I love to be. Blogging my little heart out.
Last week was a good one. This blog may have been quiet, but our life was loud. Not because we were busy, not because things were crazy, but because I was striving to find the balance that seems so hard to come by these days.
Last week, I committed myself to living my life, instead of writing about it. I forced myself to be a part of the memories, instead of snapping photos of them.
Life needs to be captured. It deserves to be captured. But it also must be enjoyed. And sometimes, capturing and enjoying can't be done at the same time.
So last week, I enjoyed. I'm learning balance in this area. I've said it here before that I don't ever want to be a 'tv mom' or a 'computer mom'. I'm now realizing that I don't want to be a 'camera mom' either - whose kids are constantly saying 'mama, come play in the sand' or 'come swim with us'....while I give a hundred reasons why sand and water aren't good for my camera.
I took a phone call the other day that caught me off guard. I knew it was coming - I had been waiting for it. I thought it would be no big deal. Long story short - I had to answer lots of questions about what our boy was capable of.
Can he do this? No. Is he able to do that? No. Would he be capable of this? No. Does he do this? No. Has he ever done that? No.
No. No. Nope. No.
She apologized, and explained that she just needed to 'fill in some blanks' on an application (that got lost in the mail...like I said, long story...). She realized that there were a lot of 'no' answers, and very, very few 'yes' answers.
I started to feel a little discouraged. I mean, I know that 3 years in an orphanage has set Carter way back. But I don't see that when I look at him, when I hug him, when I'm working with him. I try not to look at all the things he can't do - and I try to focus really hard on what he can do.
And this dang application was making that pretty hard.
He's just....Carter. Our son. Who we are so, so proud of. Who we are amazed by every moment of every day. And maybe he can't match shapes, or recognize colors - but he can love like nobody else. He can forgive better than anyone I know. His smile is the sweetest thing ever (biased, maybe...). He knows more about resilience and determination than most of us.
So there. Take that, application.
I've been accused (nicely! by my favorite follower...!) of becoming too serious. I figure if this person feels this way, then maybe you do, too.
"Not enough humor - too much heavy. You've lost your spunk."
My life has been heavy the past few weeks. I'm going to let you in on a huge secret. I struggle. And when I'm struggling a bit, and life is heavy - I will write heavy. When life is spunky, I will write spunky. That's just being real. No fluff, here.
So, after 12 days away, it feels good to be back here - sharing my thoughts with you. The break was good, but I'll be back sooner rather than later. Thanks for listening, friend.
One Thing I Know For Sure: Balance is hard (think tightrope, people...) - but so, so good.
+It seems something terrible has happened. Blogger says my photos are 'untraceable' - which means no signature photo. Shucks. I hope the rest of my photos aren't gone.
But if I'm being real - my real-life signature looks nothing like my blog signature. See? No fluff.